The Crustacean Chronicles
by AwesomeZoosnuck26
Summary: A 13 year old boy can only do so much. But his most just isn't enough, will he be able to keep his friends Tiff and Tom entertained? A collection of very real stories and experiences featuring our favourite crustacean Ethan/Dino/Chrissy/Crust/Garfield/Victoriousgirls123/Mangle/Christina/Crescent/Blue/Asriel Fartmaster/ElementalBlast/ewgayperson/Faggot @DinoPlays kiss
1. The Life of a Crustacean

**The Life Of A Crustacean**

before he would do nothing except play minecraft, watch youtube, and talk to us

now he doesnt talk to us

so hes literally just wasting away playing minecraft and youtube forever

and drinking soda

eating raw burgers

moaning loudly at all times

tickling neptunes back and groaning

using desk shit to paint ariana's name on the wall

he sings his original lyrics to various undertale songs while chugging down coffee

all thats heard is drowning

hes spitting up coffee everywhere

it gets on his expensive keyboard

he throws it at the wall out of frustration

his dad calls him

"Son what would you like for dinner"

'um i dont know, yes, no, maybe?'

"Ethan that doesn't answer the question"

he throws his phone on the floor

his dad sighs

he slides a giant pink wet burger under crusts bedroom door and calls it a night

crust gets on all fours and starts tearing it apart like a wolf

crusts dad tries to sleep but howls echo through the house

crust is playing his favourite game

wolfquest

he stares at the wolf bum as they go to the rendezvous site

he gets an IDEA

"GOOGLE, BECOME A WOLF SPELL"

he stumbles upon a fanfiction where some dude becomes a wolf and then gets fucked

he thinks its wikipedia

he desperately starts trying to break his bones into the shape of a wolf

it doesnt work because thats physically impossible

so he sighs and just shoves a wolftail buttplug up his ass

"people must just hate me..." he says all edgy

"heh... its sad, bc they will never see me at my best.."

he quickly straightens up and sprints to his wardrobe

its right next to him but it doesnt matter

he swings the doors open and it smashes into the wall

inside there is one item

his RAINBOW HEART SUIT

crust lets out a hearty "REEEEEEEEEE"

he rips his rainbow heart suit off of its hanger and puts it on

in reality, its just one of those skintight white bodysuits that covers your entire body

he drew a heart on it with a pink marker

he dons his outfit and begins rolling and screaming

"I, THE RAINBOW WOLF OF THE NIGHT, WILL PROTECT EVERY DOG LIKE ANIMAL THERE IS!"

he launches himself out his window in a failed attempt at a backflip

his dad comes in and boards up the window

crust runs off and tries to swing from trees like spiderman

"but WAIT"

he rubs his chin

"I am the WOLF OF THE NIGHT..."

he starts humping the tree instead

theres a hornets nest at the top of the tree

his powerful thrusting causes the nest to shake around

the hornets are agitated

crust looks up and squints

"why dont die bee..." he mutters to himself

he walks over to a big mud puddle

he lies in it and buries himself inside of it like those frogs do when they hibernate

he waits for months

one day some kids are playing football outside

the ball lands on crusts patch

one of the kids comes over to pick it up but notices something

its a pair of heart headphones?

he tries to take them

suddenly crust starts screeching at the top of his lungs

"EEEEEEEEEEEE"

the kids run in fear

they leave the ball

his eyes twinkle

this is his chance

to be a real dog?

crust leaps up

he shakes the mud off of him like a good dog

he runs over to the ball

but wait

neptunes already at the ball

he has it in his mouth

crust sees the opportunity

he walks over on all fours to neppers

he puts his mouth on the ball too

neptune is confused

crust starts moving his mouth closer to neptunes mouth

just as their lips are about to touch neptune lets go of the ball and walks away

crust stares at him, tears in his eyes

"WHY DO YOU HATE ME?"

"IM SORRY I CAN'T CHANGE, THERES ONLY SO MUCH A 13 YEAR OLD CAN DO!"

he starts running on 3 legs

its inbetween 4 and 2

he can't decide if he is human or not?

crust runs to his house

and breaks through the door

only to see...

SIMANGO?

simango stares at crust

his eyes are large and weary

all he can do is look in silence

"eW" crust screams

he wipes the dirt and dog shit off of his rainbow heart suit and prepares for battle

simango just stares

crust naruto runs at simango and starts trying to possess him

it doesnt work because he isnt a ghost

simango looks deep into his eyes

crust shivers

"simango ur jus"

"ur smelly"

crust starts rolling on the floor laughing?/

"AHAHAHAHAHAHA"

Simango kicks him in the head and leaves

after his fit crust sits up and looks around

and in the distance

there he sees it

his pride and joy

Crust Cliff

"DIS IS HOW I GET MY REVENGE?" crust screams

he throws himself off of the cliff

hes ready to become a ghost

but its not a cliff at all

its just his basement stairs

he literally just leaped down a staircase and broke his arm

crust starts screaming and rolling around

his family doesnt think hes in pain because he always screams and rolls around

the basement is dark and dusty

crust is rolling around screaming, and then he sees a figure

its neptune

neptune glares at him

"GOOD BOY! YOU'VE COME TO SAVE ME RITE?"

he grabs crust by the ankle and starts flinging him around the room

crust just moans

but them

then*

neptune brings out the coffee machine

"NO!1"

he holds one of crusts knife covers up to it

crust starts hyperventilating

he quickly looks around the basement for something to help

and then he sees it

a pile of desk shit

in the corner

he quickly grabs it and hurls it at neptune

it hits neptune in the side

it doesnt really hurt but neptune gets annoyed and a little grossed out so he trots off

some of the shit gets in crusts coffee maker

but its ok because crust uses shit instead of coffee grounds anyway

crust starts stroking the machine while whispering

"no one will ever hurt you while I'M here..."

he licks all over it

it's gross and dirty because he doesn't wash anything

he grabs his trusty baby carrier and places the coffee machine inside before attaching it to himself

crus makes his way upstairs to see his parents

they're being cool people drinking all crusts soda

'You know I think we should start saving money to help with ethans college funds...'

"stupid family...they hate me so much"

he throws expensive vases everywhere to prove his point

his family doesnt even notice because theyve grown so used to him destroying shit

crust looks deep into his coffee makers eyes

"they jus dun understand..."

"idc about some dumb cooleg..."

"what i RLLY want is the complete fnaf franchise ,_,"

the coffee maker makes a beeping noise

its a maintenance warning because its clogged with shit

a tear leaks out of crusts eye

"i...i love u 2 coffee maker..."

the coffee maker beeps again

crust makes a scrunched up confused face

"um?"

"awkward?"

"i didnt mean it like THAT?"

"i was JK?"

he kisses the coffee maker on the weird spout hole

the coffee maker beeps one last time

"bb?"

it explodes in crusts hands

he starts screaming

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

"WHY CRUEL WORLD?"

"I AM SO DEPRESSED RIGHT NOW"

he runs to his room and slams the door shut

he grabs the knife cover and holds it to his neck

"goodbye..."

but then he looks at his computer

he has discord notifications

he clicks on it

"ugh, it's just THOSE two -w-"

his "friends" are writing fanfictions again

"y do they always kiss me, its rly annoying"

crust decides to type "o" because he loves his friends

but wait

he forgot he was depressed

he changes his discord name to "literally human trash who should die ;3"

THEN he types "o"

they ignore him because theyre busy typing about mario getting his nose pulled off by a witch and hes just kind of interrupting

so he sits for 5 hours and watches

eventually they stop talking

"omg? they totally ignored me?" crust thinks

"its time to up my depression game"

he tapes the knife holder to his chin

he holds his phone an inch away from his face

he takes a selfie and posts it on ig

with the caption "gimme 1 gud reson y i shouldn jus end it all"

he also tags ariana just in case

crust sits and waits for someone to comment

finally he gets notified

he springs up in his chair and grabs his phone again

its from ariana

"o that bish.."

'Ethan, please stop tagging me in every picture you upload. We haven't been dating for 6 months you need to move on'(edited)

crust stares at the screen

he is REALLY angry

he rushes to discord and starts ranting about her

calling her a bish and saying "funi stories"

crusts friends mostly ignore him

"theyre just haters... dab"

he turns on dnd and tells them not to ping him

even though he doesnt

get pings

?

crust watches aphmau for 6 hours

he writes down every single word she says and hangs it on his aphmau wall

then he decides to check discord again

his "friends" have been pinging him for the past hour

it says a bunch of dumb memes like "we need your help with something" and "please you need to join us its important"

crust just groans really loudly

he links the aphmau video he was watching without context

but then he realizes...

his friends have linked the aphmau wiki

they know he stole all her characters and storyline

sweat dribbles down his cheek as excuses race through his mind

crust begins to type "o" before stopping

it won't work this time.

"MY DAD IS MAKING ME DO CHORES K?"

One of his friends replies stating "but you're playing minecraft"

crust begins melting

he's running out of excuses

"UHH, I JUST DON'T FEEL LIKE CLOSING MC?"

10 minutes pass

a message pops up

he slowly turns his head and his eyes light up

'Hey crust, how are those chores you were supposedly doing?'

"o im done."

a big wretched smile crosses his face, they've forgotten about his entire roleplay he stole

'Ok, now you're done. Do you have time to explain?'

"Yeah you are free now right?"

'You know, there's no excuse not to answer us anymore.'

He stares at the screen

epic anime symbols everyhere

"n-nani?" he whispers to himself

he starts trying to hoke but they don't let him

"yeah well, jus so u no...i dun h8 u, u just h8 me"

he smashes his computer and runs into the sunset.

This was his story.

now fuck off i'm tired


	2. Life, Love and Neptune

Crust:

Life, Love and Neptune

what if we were suddenly teleported from our homes to maine and it was snowy

and then we saw neptune

crust behind him

he suddenly jumps ontop of neptune

and uses him as a horse

he rides up to us

"heh, you showed up huh?"

he grabs us and runs off

he puts us in 2 chairs with our hands and feet locked down

there is a big screen

a title appears

"WoodCreek High"

"A Wolftale Productions Series"

"Episode 1"

every time we laugh he throws desk shit at us

"THIS IS SERIOUS GUYS I WORKED RLY HARD IM ONLY 13"

the first episode is the only complete episode

the next one only features him

the next 3 are just him reading the script

and the other episodes aren't written but he promises they're gonna be good

after we've finished watching the episodes crusts draws our attention to him again

while you were watching he had constructed a stage out of snow

it was set with a snow microphone, snowdrums, snowkeyboard and a snowtriangle

everyone needs a triangle

it's a good instrument

He walks up to the microphone and gestures neptune to the triangle

neptune just sits and stares at it

"this is a song dedicated to my second bff's, tom and tiff"

he starts screaming into the microphone about how badly he wants neptune to suck him off and how youtube is screwing his channel over

he then yells for us to play the background music

we don't even know the song but he reees really loudly

we just smash drums and he seems satisfied

then suddenly

he hops back into neptune

but rather than riding his back he just sticks his dick in Neptune's ass and rides off

he brings us to

another snow stage?

this time with props?

and a night guard snowman?

oh no?

Crust starts screaming because he is so happy

it hurts

a lot

he rips off his skin

underneath is a beautiful rainbow heart mangle suit

he hands you a chica mask

he hands me a Bonnie mask but it's one of those springlock heads that will crush my skull if I wear it

he runs up on stage and begins screaming at the snowman

the snowman isn't alive and yet he seems visibly shaken

The chica mask isn't even a chica mask, it's yellow felt with a party hat as a beak and 2 holes cut out for eyes

It's beautiful

very practical

Crust runs down and starts mumbling

Nobody understands him

"OK GOT THAT? .-."

'yes definitely'

'yes crusto'

crust begins shitting into the ground

he puts googly eyes onto the individual turds

he names them blaze blue and rose

Crust seems proud of his work, he wipes his forehead even though there is no sweat with his hand and picks the shits up

he starts whispering to them

"I love you all, you are all so beautiful. You are all just like your father"

He stares at you and starts rolling on the floor laughing

he dropped the shits

he is rolling in shit

it's gross

shoot him

suddenly neptune reaches into my pocket and takes my wallet

it's crusts child support payment

crust is almost finished rolling in shit

but then he pulls neptune in

they're rolling around together

really fast

really aggressively

oh no

they aren't rolling anymore

Crust licks neptunes nose and starts barking

he shoves his ass in the air and puts his arms on the floor

"NEPTUNE LET US PLAY TAIL TAG RUFF RUFUFUFF WOOOOFOFFF ARFFFFFF"

He bites neptunes tail

Neptune turns around and destroys his fingers

crust scream

but it isn't screaming

he just keeps saying "yelp" in a monotone voice over and over

suddenly a butterfly flies by

crust freezes

he pulls out his diamond sword

but he just can't get it

"WHY DONT DIE" he pleads desperately

he begins singing let it go

he uses ice magic to hide everyone in an ice fortress

"we're safe nao" he says

the ice fortress is actually just white lego

but we won't tell him

crust grabs a red sharpie and draws a scar on his eye

he turns around

"it wont hold 4 much longer, they r 2 strong..."

he gets real close to your ear

"say 'who?'"

'who?'

"the BEEEES!"

DUNDUDNDNDNDDUN

but crust quickly reassures us

"don't worry" he says "we have plenty of armed guards outside to protect us"

we look outside

they're all drowning

suddenly a loud church bell goes off

crust is excited

"ITS TIME FOR THE MASQUERADE" he cries

"the what?" we wonder

crust drops his pants in front of neptune and begins furiously masquerading

We try to avoid the view as much as possible

but eye contact makes the situation worse

we resort to the double chin method

crust starts howling

he runs off and a distant cupboard is opened

"NEPTUN WER DID U PUT THE PENUT BUTerrRr?"

"WILL IT EVER RETURNNN?2

Crust begins singing in the kitchen while he looks for peanut butter

"HUMANS CHILDREN THAT GO THERE NEVEERRR RETURNN?"

monster

he hurriedly comes back

suddenly the door breaks down

it's WAFFLEEEEE

crust screams

waffle starts running at him

crust desperately throws dog packages to slow him down

waffle stands right in front of crust and punches the ground below him

crust instantly drops into hell

all is calm

it's a happy eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeending?

maybe?


	3. Imprisoned: A Tale of Memories Scarred

Chapter 2

he'd need neptune to hold him down so he can contain himself

oh no

except it turns into crust holding neptune down

neptune run

hes filled with ariana rage

he starts screeching

"WHY DID U LEAVE ME!1"

he starts rubbing neptunes eyes

its really bad

neptune just lets it happen

this is tame to what he's usually like

suddenly neptune feels a tickling on his anus

he realizes this has gone too far

he stands up and flips crust off of him

its really easy because crust is weak and his arm is still broken canonically

crust smashes onto the floor

he looks up at neptune with hurt eyes

anime tears roll down his face

"Neptune...you too?"

"WHY DOES NOBODY LOVE ME!"

"I'M ONLY 13 AND I CANT CHANGE AND IM SORRY"

crust grows emotional

he pulls a sheet of paper out from under his desk shit paperweight

he furious starts scribbling with a big black marker he uses to draw over undyne artwork

he writes a letter to the one who broke his heart

the one who he DEFINITELY loved above all others this time he promises

the mc torch to his mc cave

meg

he forgets how to spell her name but its ok

he cries so heavy that the paper is soggy and gross

ink is splodges across the page, it was hard enough to read his handwriting before but now its just impossible

at the bottom he attaches another piece of paper with a poorly drawn picture of meg and him holding hands on a hill with a rainbow behind them

he looks down at his work and smiles

"i'm going out neptune, don't eat all the raw burgers mk?"

he puts his papers in a huge pink envelope with ribbons and rainbow sparkles

"she will luv this so much..."

he naruto runs to his best friends house

he breaks through the door and fren1 doesn't even flinch

this is very common

"BES FREN U MUST DELIVER THIS 2 MEG IMMEDIATELY!2

crusts best friend look confused

'cant you just deliver it?'

crust sighed really loudly

it was really dry and gross

"best fren PLS" crust moans

"im 2 lazy busy wit school n discord"

"one more remark like that an ur gonna b my SECUND best fren"

crusts best friend winces

he doesnt like crust at all but the title of "best friend" is too important to lose

his BEST friend runs to his wardrobe and grabs his cloak

he puts on his cool boots and throws the hood over his head

'I am ready' he states

he grabs the letter and puts it in the delivery bag

he ninja runs down the street to find megs house

except he has no idea who she is

crust just gave him a location

he grabs his phone and launches google maps

he naruto ran the other way and finally arrived to her house after helping an old lady cross the street

such a nice dude

'MEG'

'I HAVE A DELIVERY FOR YOU'

meg recognizes the hooded boy

he comes by like once a week

"no i dont want whatever poem you have for me this time dude"

crusts best fren does a flip

he gives her the paper anyway

he ninja runs off

meg immediately rips it up and locks her front door

crusts best fren does a epic ninja smoke bomb and appears in front of crust

crust is playing mc

"crust! i did the delivery!"

'SHHHHHHH'

'STOP TALKIN 2 ME IM PLAYIN MC'

his best friend cowers

his best friend leaves disappointed

neptune tries to sneak out of the door with him

crusts neck extends in front of neptune

"where do u think ur going boi? ;333"

neptune looks at him in fear and drags himself back to his corner

it stinks of crusts anus and mud

crust closes mc and decides to check in on his server

when he checks discord he notices thousands of messages from his "friends" he's known for 5 years

"ughhh, not those guys again.."

he looks up at his schedule

he hasn't ticked 'o' today

he sends them the simple message and then checks wolftale

"jus as I like it, silent..."

but then he notices something

one of the channels

dedicated to his two rly annoying frens

is active

oh no

crust looks in the channel

his "friends" are talking about pancakes

he cant stand it

crust starts seething from the pure rage of seeing this conversation

he rips off his shirt

he breathes really heavily through his teeth

he posts the "ree" emote in the chat

his "friends" start yelling at him for posting in the channel he forced them to talk in

crust is immediately hurt by their rudeness?

he clutches his chest

his heart is broken

he collapses onto the floor

all he can do is stare up at his moldy ceiling

and wonder why they hate him, even though he doesnt hate them

he hears a notification

he hasn't turned on dnd

he grumpily sits up and checks it

"Ethan we need to talk to you"

"This is really important"

"Respond soon"

he rubs his eyes and looks at it again

an IMPORTANT topic

from his ANNOYING TERRIBLE FRIENDS?

he waits for another 5 minutes

this could be a troll

or a maymay

they are such punk noobss

but then he checks it

they seem very frantic and anxious about the topic?

"GUYS GUYS, IF U DUN WANNA BE FRENS I GET IT..."

But it wasn't that

"gas u can tel me anythin..."

he starts sweating

could this be it

could his dreams FINALLY COME TRUE?

his bes frens...DATINK?

'ethan../...'

He blushes in anticipation

'will you read our fanfiction about hedgehogs

crust freezes

his hands start shaking

he doesnt know how to process this

he types "XD" out of sheer confusion

he got uber pranked

crust wipes the sweat off his brow

its really hot like in that one instagram pic

crust looks back at discord

his stupid dumb "friends" are still speaking to him

they keep asking him to read their fanfic

frustrated, crust opens the link

he screenshots a random line and sends it to them

"look i read it"

before they can say anything he goes on dnd and starts watching more aphmau

he starts taking notes on her roleplays

"Wolftale Plan :3"

\- Nekos

\- WW's

\- club

\- anime

\- first day

and a bunch of names

he giggles

"no 1 will ever know..."

crust flips over the paper to write more ideas down

but theres already something written

"scarred memories"

of course

the song he'd written for ariana

he almost forgot about it

tears start welling in his eyes

he misses his one true love

not meg

he goes on instagram and starts rapidly messaging ariana

"im srry"

"i miss u"

",_,"

she blocked him like 2 months ago but he still messages her just in case

he stands up and walks out of his room

slamming his door

he's blind with tears

"Ariana i miss u so much...but im only 13 and can only do so much. ik u dont luv me back.."

he walks to the edge of his favourite spot

crust cliff

"well...this is the onli choice i hav..."

he takes a selfie and uploads it to his instagram in black and white

"This is it. goodbye.."

he exposes his physical chins for the last time

and jumps

"If I can't see her in person...ill jus POSESS HER!"

but then crust goes to hell and is forced into labor for eternity

crust is chained up with a bunch of other tortured souls

theyre forced to mine in a torturous hell quarry for eternity

"heheheh... just like mc right guys?" crust says

everyone glares at him

a guard dongle comes down and whips him for not working

crust moans

"pls dont whip me sir"

"its so naughty~~~"

the dongle burns him with a flamethrower

"...not u TOO" crust cries

he starts singing scarred memories while mining

all of the guards let him because its more torturous for everyone else

suddenly theres screeching from the hall

the word "gay" echos throughout the chamber

"o no"

is this who crust thinks it is...

his...

'FRENS'?

two screaming goblins come in and start throwing shit everywhere

or at least thats what crust sees

they're actually just talking to dongle

they take notice of crust

'Dongle we're gonna take this one thx'

they pick him up and bring him to a seperate room

there is a desk, a chair and a few papers

its the fanfictions

he starts hyperventilating

"no pls dont do this im onli 13"

they place a large bottle of water on the table

and a salad on the other side

and leave him

tears are streaming down crusts face

"i dont READ?" he cries to himself

he reluctantly picks up the first paper

"Before Hours, After Hours, and Everything DEDLY FORGOT TO FUCKIN WRITE"

he winces and drops the paper

it burns him just to look at it

crust decides that he needs to formulate an escape plan

luckily hes always prepared

he pulls his uranium beeslayer from his anus pocket

"heh...time to have a bad time" he mutters to himself

he kicks down the door to his prison

except it doesnt go down because its made of steel

he breaks his toes

he starts screaming and rolling in the papers

the two EVIL RUTHLESS GOBLINS look through the camera

'man that is really gay'

then they ignore him and continue to talk about tenga eggs and monkeys

crust lies on the floor in pain

he doesn't even know why he's in pain

he's dead

he pulls a piece of paper and a pen out of his pocket

his last message before he ceases to exist

"The dog package certainly hasn't came in but we sure as heck did have gotten lotta mail and donations."

in his last few moments he whispers to himself

"human children dat go here nevr return..."

he blacks out

the undertale game over music plays

asgore starts talking

"u r gay lol"

everything fades out

but suddenly

something appears in the darkness

a big fat orange reset button

just like from everyones favorite video game

crust stares

his little rainbow soul heart hovers over it

should he press it?

find out NEXT TIME?/

THERE WILL NEVER BE A NEXT TIME WE ALWAYS FORGET XDD

HAHA WHOOPSY

WE'RE STILL THE BEST AUTHORS ON THE WEBSITE

SHOUTOUTS TO VENOMHEART

MAN I LOVE THAT GUY

HES OUR GREATEST CRITIC

WE WROTE A FANFICTION ABOUT HIM

ITS RLLY GUD GO READ IT TY

THXTHX

READ ALL OF OUR FANFICS

THEYR RLY GOOD?

:sparkles: :sparkles: :sparkles: :sparkles:


	4. Wolftale: A True Story

It's an epic monday morning, birbs are screaming and the construction down the road has started again

A small boy lies in his bed, asleep. He has a rainbow wig and dazzling anime eyes

"Ethan?" calls a sweet voice from downstairs

Ethan rolls over and pulls his sheets over his face

"ETHAN!"

The boy slams his face through his mattress

"ETHAN FOR FUCK SAKE WAKE UP YOU'RE GOING TO BE LATE ON YOUR FIRST DAY, DO YOU EVEN KNOW HOW THAT WILL LOOK?"

a wretched ostrich screech escapes the young boys lips

"ASFHOSDJIASOJPFIOASJKDOI" he says but i dont know how you would pronounce that in real life

he does an epic backflip out of bed

"I'LL BE DOWNSTAIRS REALLLL QUICK MUMMA"

he uses his telekinesis to lift up his bed and throw it outside

"NO TIME 2 B LAZY"

he snaps his fingers all cool like

butterflies come in and dress him in his morning clothes

he pets them on the head with his giant disgusting dragon wings

oh yeah he has giant disgusting dragon wings

ethan giggles as the butterflies tickle him

the giggles turn into moans

the butterflies scream and run off

"heh, stupid butterflies" he mutters to himself

Ethan strokes his furry body pillow

"one day i'll b lik u"

suddenly he swings his door open leaving a huge dent in the wall

he doesn't care

he puts his hands on his hips and runs downstairs

he slips and cracks his head half way down

but it's ok

his beautiful dog neptune heals him

"ETHAN UR BREKFAST IS GUNNA GO COLD?"

"CUMIN MAMAMAMAMAMA"

he grabs the toast and delicately places it in his mouth

"MUM NO TIME 2 TALK I GOTTA RUN!"

'but ethan it's only 6'

"NO TIMER 2 TALK!"

"W8!"

"I NRLY FORGOT MA PHONEEEEE F,GVCKNWAM DSSFCSADJ"

"but wait ethan sweetie" his mom begins

ethan turns his head 180 degrees like an owl

"you nearly forgot"

"the family heirloom"

"O YEA" ethan squees

his mom reaches into her big puffy wig

she pulls out a copy of "doki doki nani panic shinderu"

"MY FAVRITE MANGA!" ethan squees twice as loud

ethans mom throws it at crust

it hits him in the eye

his eyeball absorbs it

"THX!" he squees, the volume shattering nearby windows

crust turned his head another 180 degrees back to normal

he looked at the clock

it was suddenly 7

"HAUIOWHDIOASIODJI NOW IM RLLY GONNA B LATE?" he cries out

he forcefully grabs neptune by the anus

"CMON BOY GIDDY UP WE'RE GONNA B LATE"

crust shoves his dick into neptunes anus

neptune starts running down the road barking vry loud

10 minutes later crust arrives at school

it is a big fancy building with gold everywhere

crusts ww ears wiggle

"i sense...sweet tings... NEKOS?"

he starts dancing and squealing

he LOVES nekos

n he is sweet...

n nekos luv sweet tings ;333333

Haha woah will this ever be finished?

no fuck off


	5. Crick and Crusty

**Crick and Crusty**

What if crust came to your door

dressed in a poor rick cosplay

and he looked you in the eyes

and said

"I relate to rick so much because i have 200 iq and i hate people i am smarter than my parents and peers and teachers. also i rly hate explaining to people about my superior intellect"

-I would push him over and say "this is how martin luther king felt when he freed all the slaves"

he starts screaming

he starts desperately shouting random "EPIC FUNNI" references to the show

"HEY TOM REMEMBER PIKL RIK? YES HAHA I AM A SMART MAN I UNDERSTAND THE SMART JOKE. HE TURNED INTO A PIKLE IT IS RLY FUNNY!"

-I'd break a jar of pickles over his head and scream "wubba lubba dub dub amirite gamers"

he goes pale, he doesn't understand

because he didnt actually watch the show?

he thinks of one final reference

it will literally reshape his life

-woah, could it be?

he runs to the closest mcdonalds

its closed

but it doesnt matter

employees are still inside

he breaks down the door

takes a deep breath

SNIFF

\- oh no

"SZECHUAN SAUCE"

\- the forbidden fruit

"GIVE ME IT NOW OR WENDY DIES!"

he grabs a random employee

her name isnt wendy

its janice

but it doesnt matter

he holds a knife cover to her neck

the cops arrive

it's actually just one patrol car

a really old retired cop comes out to defuse the situation

he's not even armed

"please just leave calmly sir"

crust starts screeching

'YOULL NEVER TAKE ME ALIVE PIG"

he unveils his newest weapon

pocket desk shit

he throws while screeching

the cop literally melts

nuclear desk shit

oh no

the employees are trembling

they discontinued the sauce again because everyone was rioting about it

they have nothing?

then they get an idea?

an employee slips in the back

he grabs many sauce

and smashes them together

hopefully crust wont notice

he puts a little sticker on the pot

"Szechuan Sauce"

he wraps a bow around it and puts it in a box

along with a single chip/fry (I don't know stop bullying me pls?)

he brings it out and slide it along the floor to crust

crust squints at it for 10 minutes

he has no idea what szechuan means but he pretends to know what to look for

finally he decides it's good?

he mounts neptunes anus and rides off

the employees break down on the floor crying

this is the 5th time its happened that week

"we CANT KEEP GIVING SAUCE AWAY"

"THE DOOR IS TOO EXPENSIVE WE CANT KEEP REPAIRING IT"

"CURSE YOU CRUSTACEAN MAN"

crust giggles

he rides to his shack home

when he arrives he jumps off neptune

"good boy" he whispers into his ear

he rolls into his shack

he gets a big fat pot and fills it with the sauce

he starts boiling it and pours ramen inside

"crusty secret recipe?" he mutters

while hes waiting he starts digging through the dirt floor

he picks up a box

inside are poorly made dog ears and peanut butter

he takes both out and puts the ears on

crust howls like a madman and walks on all fours

neptune watches in horror from the other side of the room

crust howls seductively and sticks his bepis in the peanut butter

neptune doesn't care because crusts overwhelming dick stank overpowers the peanut butter

crust growls and starts chasing neptune around like a cartoon

neptune turns around and tries to bite crust

"ohoho~~ playing hard to get?

"its not guna bite u silly"

"but i might (lennylenynynlenyny)£

he starts slapping his dick

"I kno u hav feelings 4 me neppers?"

"u can't hide anything from me?"

"big picture etc?"

neppers bites his dick clean off

it snaps really easily because crusts dick is dry and thin

crust moans

all thats left is a literal void

he is now

gendervoid?


	6. Crust x Reader

**Crust x Reader: A Tale Of Love**

Part 1

 **It's Friday night and you are alone in the dark, with a copy of Declicious Spaghet Monthly and a hole in your heart. A hole that can only be filled by one man. And that man is crust. He bursts through the door, his beaming smile warming you. But the warmth of his smile begins to fade, as a more sinister, underlying plan begins to unfold. What is the truth? Will your love survive the endless hurdles? Or will you fall to the wayside, and boil in giant delicious warm cup of metaphor coffee**

you are at home reading your Delicious Spaghet Monthly

suddenly

HE opens the door

"HONEY IM HOME" his booming voice echoes through the corridors

your genitalia explodes

your eyes WIDEN in joy as he runs through and gives you a big ol bear hug

"I LOVE YOU AND NOBODY ELSE"

"EXCEPT COFFEE"

your expression turns cold and you snap your head to the coffee machine

you laser it

crust screams

"NO!"

crust's face softens

"don't worry" he says "love conquers all"

"thats very sweet" you say

"thats not what i meant" he replies

crust equips his rainbow heart suit

he revives his beloved coffee machine and gives it a protective forcefield

he then kisses it on the little spout thingy

you get really angry

crust loves coffee more than you

you slap him around the face

"AM I NOT GOOD ENOUGH FOR YOU?"

"I DON'T UNDERSTAND! WHAT AM I DOING WRONG?"

Crust stiffens and stares at you

he throws the coffee machine on the ground

and cuddles you

"I'm sorry, I just...""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""

"I used to date coffee machine, you know that"

"it's so hard for me to move on.."

"But I will, just for you. I love you more than ANYTHING in the world, even coffee."

He added lightly

"even air"

suddenly he starts choking

you begin to scream

"WHATS WRONG?" you cry desperately

you reach for the phone to call for help

"no" crust gasps

"this is my ultimate testament to you and our love"

he turns blue in the face

he begins to collapse

tears run down your face

"[reader]..." he says

"before i go"

he pulls a box out of his pocket

"please take this..."

he bows his head

and all is silent

You fall to your knees at his body

it starts to lose it's warmth

Tears roll down your face and land on his cheeks

You take the small box in your hand an open it...

An undertale steam code

Your face lights up with happiness, this proves he truly loved you

but you see a shadow from behind, stretching over his body.

it was...

COFFEE MACHINE!

coffee machine was red in the face

"HOW COULD HE DO THIS"

"THAT WAS MY UNDERTALE CODE"

you look at coffee machine

something is wrong

coffee machine is wearing a large hat with a cross on it

theyre also being followed by an archbishop

you rub your chin curiously and walk over

"wh-what is this.." coffee machine murmurs

you quickly tear off coffee machine's mask

it is none other than

the POPE in disguise

"THE POPE!" You exclaim

"wait... somethings not right here"

"Didn't matpat ALREADY give the pope an undertale steam code?"

The pope begins to sweat

suddenly matpat bursts in

He screams

"WAS MY LOVE NOT ENOUGH?"

He spews out theories

and explodes

The pope walks into the shadows

"It will all be answered in time..."

"and the next fanfiction"

"GOODBYE"

he throws a smoke bomb

You wipe your eyes

there's a big undertale-style button

"Proceed to Chapter 2"

Your hands lightly rest on the option

and you push it, and your vision fades to black.


	7. Crust: Mirror of Truth

I like the idea crust has been brooding for months

sitting in his dark, dank gross room

waiting

waiting for somebody to message him

but could no one hear his desperate cries for help?

then out of the darkness

an IDEA

he jumps out of his rotting, moldy beanbag

he naruto runs INTO his bed frame and smears brown blood everywhere

he blows the dust and soot off of his computer

of course

why hadn't he thought of this sooner

he quickly set his plan into action

he goes onto discord

blocked

he goes onto instagram

blocked

he goes onto youtube

blocked

crust scratches his rotund head

"dis is gunna be harder then i thot..."

he reaches his hand into a jar of peanut butter and flings it at the wall

"HERE NEPPERS

neptune wanders in reluctantly

"i need ur luck neppers"

he rubs neptunes head but like

realy hard and fast

he moans a bit too

he logs onto twitter

his last resort

and there he saw it

HIS DAREDEVIL SECOND BEST FRIEND

crusts entire world brightened

his mouth contorted into a big evil grin

he hadn't brushed his teeth for 4 months

surviving off of coffee and raman was rough

but it had all paid off

he began to type his message

"Ughh. Sorry if you're busy rn or sleeping, but I can't deal with this. We talked for so long, it feels so weird not seeing u most days. Not that it matters, but I just wanted to say hi and check on how you and Tom are doing"

perfect

he sat and waited

eagerly

he bit his long dirty nails in anticipation

after 25 minutes he realised

"seen"

crust started yipping excitedly

he took his dick out and slapped it in some stale desk shit

"ges ill renew dat l8r..." he said outloud

he went to write another message to boast about how big his love and appreciation for his two bestest friends in the world was

D

he looked down at the floor in shock

crust instinctively went to pet neppers

neppers was gone

everything is gone

crust looks around his room

everything begins to fade away

the desk shit

the mlp toys

the moldy wallpaper

the uneaten pink burgers

even his $20000 epic gaming pc setup

crust blinks slowly in realization

he looks like one of his really deep thoughtful instagram selfies

he wasnt blocked on twitter

he was BLOCKED

FROM LIFE

everything around him was slowly disappearing

thinking quickly, crust knew he had to save the important stuff

he sprints for his furry body pillow

he takes two steps and gets really winded and falls over

he starts wiggling his arms in the air

"noooooooo"

its really monotone so no one can tell if hes actually sad or not

he desperately reaches for his hot sexy wolf husbando

but then

it fades away

crust looks in horror

tears well up in his eyes

hes ANGRY

"deres still 1 ting left..."

he sprints toward his closet

miraculously he doesnt trip

he pulls open the doors

"YES! ITS STILL DERE!"

"TEH RAINBO HEART SUIT!"

Crust grabs the rainbow heart suit and quickly equips it like minecraft

he starts laughing to himself

but then he looks around

there was nothing

the closet faded away

he was left alone

just a lonely boy in a cosplay

he walked aimlessly through the plains of nothingness

no noise

no people

nothing to see, or feel or smell

just nothing

but then he sees it

something glinting in the distance

crust starts desperately running as his rolls of lard jiggle in his skin tight leather heart suit

in the distance is a mirror

crust loves looking at himself

when he gets there he beams in pure joy

he looks beautiful

he strikes a few double chin poses

"mmm lookin sexi bb" he says to himself

"if only u wer a wulf..."

he stays here for about 3p hours before getting bored

"i need 2 get out of here"

"i miss mi pc"

"an mi minecraf"

"an neppers"

"an neppers butthole"

"an um"

"mi famly i gues.. -w-"

he powers up his rainbow heart suit

he glows really big

he claps his huge dk hands together to create a portal

only

it doesnt work

"?"

crust claps 46 times before giving up

he then decides to not give up and claps 20p more times

then he claps 66 more times and gives up

"y isn dis wurkin?" crust wonders

little does crust realize

hes unable to travel across dimensions

because he doesnt exist in a dimension at all

but he doesnt realize this because hes stupid

he starts rolling around

he keeps rolling and rolling for hours

he hasn't realised yet

he can't go back

he can never see neppers butthole again

or play minecraft again

it's only him and the mirror

crust stands up but it takes him about 5 hours because his body is so gigantic

he lost like 5 calories from rolling though

he wanders up to the mirror again

"i jus dun geddit"

"dey all left"

"dey all faded jus liek they got fanos snapped"

"except me -w-"

he raises his hand to touch the mirror and strike a pose

only to realise

he starts fading

bit my bit his hand starts disintergrating

"omg wtf..." he says in shock

"HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO JACK OFF 2 BALLON GRILS AN WOLVES NAO"

"um not dat i do dat -w-"

suddenly his reflection turns its head

its a seperate being entirely

it starts laughing an evil laugh

'poor crust...dont you see'

'this is your own fault'

'your sins of vanity have caused you to lose everything dear to you'

'including yourself'

'soon you will perish

'and your mark on this world will be forgotten for eternity'

crust stares at the reflection

"um idk wut vanity is"

"but"

"can u stop harrassin me"

"im jus a kid with a DREAM! :3"

crust smacks the mirror really pathetically

"datle show em" he giggles to himself

he starts laughing uncontrollably

he's just so hilarious

he writhes on the floor laughing

his face turns blue

he's still fading away

eventually when he's almost gone it hits him

what he's been missing all along

"I-i..."

he begins to whisper as he decomposes

"i left teh stove on..."

everything blows up

crust disappears

universe destroyed

the end

forever

and even after that

infinite + 1 dead


End file.
